


Fearful Symmetry

by Leitis



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 09:29:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10896495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leitis/pseuds/Leitis
Summary: Percival's face is now foreign for him.





	Fearful Symmetry

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [【翻译】镜面恐惧](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11022213) by [liangdeyu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/liangdeyu/pseuds/liangdeyu)



> Written for this prompt:
> 
> Grindelwald tortured Graves while wearing his face. Now that he was rescued Graves finds out he can't even look at himself in the mirror without experiencing flashback.
> 
> http://fantasticbeasts-kinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/1184.html?thread=1112224#cmt1112224

By the time mediwizards finally allow Percival to leave the hospital, his injuries are long healed. The signs of starvation will take longer to fade, but not much longer, provided he eats properly and rests enough, which Percival does – he is impatient to return to work, yes, but years of discipline prevent him from mistreating his body; it is, after all, a valuable tool, which should be maintained with proper care to be of use.  
  
His sleep is deep, serene and untroubled by shadows; potions make sure of that. Waking hours are harder – he doesn’t jump at shadows, not exactly, but it’s difficult not to flinch sometimes, at certain sounds or movements, and his wand is never far from his hand.  
  
But none of that is unexpected. Percival has been an auror for a long time; he has seen effects of torture and confinement many times, had experienced them himself, though never before at this scale. He will manage; it’s in his nature. Grindelwald did not break him.  
  
What really is unexpected – though, in retrospect, it shouldn’t have been – is how he is unable to look in the fucking mirror.  
  
The first time he sees his reflection is at home, right after leaving the hospital. He catches a glimpse of his own dark silhouette in the large mirror in a heavy ornate frame hanging in the hallway, and-   
  
_The merry, insane, foreign smirk is curling on those familiar lips, my, my, trying to escape again, auror Graves? How silly of you, you know there’s no escape, no one will help you, you will stay here for-e-ver…_  
  
-there is no conscious thought between one moment and another, just sudden burst of pain in his right hand and he’s standing there, in his own hallway, shards of mirror scattered everywhere from the force of the blow, and blood gathering on his knuckles. Percival draws a shuddering breath and stands there, unmoving, for several long moments.  
  
It doesn’t really get better.  
  
He removes all the mirrors in his house, few though there are, and puts away the photograph of himself with his sister and niece, the one that always stood on his writing desk. It helps, but not much – there are still plenty of reflective surfaces around, from the polished doors of his wardrobe to the goddamn silverware, and that’s not even considering the possibility of leaving his home – and Percival absolutely refuses to give in to his weakness and stay inside all day long. Grindelwald did not break him. He will not be held hostage by his own mind.  
  
He perseveres, as usual. He learns to anticipate and avoid catching a glimpse of his reflection, and, when it fails, to suppress the flash of panic quickly and ruthlessly. He breaks a couple more mirrors in process, and, in one particularly embarrassing case, a No-maj shop window.  
  
It’s those cuts on his fingers that give him the idea.   
  
He cannot stand the sight of his own face; that face was made foreign to him. So, what if he just… changes it, a bit? Nothing as drastic as Polyjuice or transfiguration, of course, he isn’t trying to take over someone’s identity, after all. Just… a few small changes. Just so he can recognize his face from Grindelwald’s.  
  
He’s holding a shard of glass in his hand. Where did he get it? No matter. He just needs to make a few small changes, to make his face belong to him again.   
  
Just a few small cuts.

**Author's Note:**

> ...and then Queenie fixed everything, like the literal goddess she is. The End.


End file.
